Spegill spegill herm þú mér...

Hvað er langt í næsta suðurlandskjálfta? 

 

Ég vona að þessi bygging sé vandaðra en glæsi ferlíkið í skuggahverfinu.  

Á efstu hæð á hæsta húsi landsins

Iss piss og pelamál

...púðursykur og króna

þegar mér er mikið mál þá pissa ég bara í skóna! 

 

Ég hef fulla samúð með hlöndurum bæjarins. Hvernig væri að hafa almenningsklósett fyrir aumingja fólkið? Ekki hef ég heyrt um nein áform um að koma upp klósettum fyrir fólkið, það þýðir ekki að neyða fólk að bíða í klst röð inná skemmtistað þegar fólk er í spreng og svo kostar inn... halló. Það vill bara svo til að líkaminn gerir ýmsa hluti sem við ráðum ekki við, við hnerrum, ropum, prumpum og pissum þegar líkaminn segir að það sé nauðsyn til! Næst þegar ég þarf að pissa niðrí miðbæ ætti ég bara að stilla mér upp fyrir framan lögregluna og pissa í mig enda ekki mikið annað í boði. En lögreglan hlíðir reglum svo það er ekki einsog að ég sé að fara að breyta neinu. 

Auðvitað finst mér ógeðslegt að fólk pissi útum allt á djamminu en hvernig væri að leysa vandann í staðin að skamma og refsa þegar það er eithvað mikið að aðstæðunum í dag? Ég vil fá sómasamleg almeningsklósett! Þótt það sé ekki nema kamrar. og ef þeir geta haft sérsveitina og fleiri löggimann þá er örugglega hægt að hafa manneskju sem passar þessa blessuðu klósetaðstöðu sem er svo rosalega mikil þörf á.  

Ekið á gangandi vegfaranda

Bleikir fílar

Aldrei má maður ekki neitt. Afhverju má ekki fljúga með bleikum fílum? Það er svo gaman!

 

Bill Hicks

 

 

Hollendingar banna ofskynjunarsveppi vegna Íslendings

Úgga búgga

Mér er spurn? Af hverju var þetta tiltekna verk skemmt? Lá eithvað meira á bakvið en "brjálaðir bavíanar" sem brutust inn og skemmdu?

 

Mí is verí verí pusseld

Skemmdir unnar á ómetanlegu verki eftir Monet

Minkurinn í...

...hænsnakofanum 

Það var einu sinni bóndi sem átti hænsnabú
Og ær og hest og kött og gæs og líka eina kú.
En eina dimma vetrarnótt þau sváfu öll sætt og rótt
Er svartur grimmur minkur læddist þangað ofur hljótt.

Hænurnar æptu gogg, gogg, gó.
Haninn galaði gaggala gó,
Bóndi vinur vakna þú 
og ver þitt hænsna bú

En bóndinn svaf og hanagreyið hágrét, auminginn
Er horfði hann upp á minkinn elta pútuhópinn sinn.
En kisa litla sem að þarna kúrði undir vegg
Hverft var við og hrökk upp er í hausinn fékk hún egg.

Hænurnar æptu gogg, gogg, gó.
Og vöktu með því kisu,
Kisa æpti mjá, mjá mjá,
Haninn galaði gaggala gó,
Bóndi vinur vakna þú 
og ver þitt hænsnabú

En bóndinn vaknaði ekki og haninn var nú orðinn ær.
Hinn illi og ljóti minkur hafði étið hænur tvær.
Nú skrækti hann á bóndans hjálp og rámur æpti: Ræs
Þá rumskaði í næsta kofa gömul syfjuð gæs.

Hænurnar æptu gogg, gogg, gó.
Og vöktu með því kisu,
Kisa æpti mjá, mjá mjá,
Og vakti með því gæsina,
Gæsin gargaði bra, bra, bra,
Haninn galaði gaggala gó,
Bóndi vinur vakna þú 
og ver þitt hænsnabú

Og gæsin sem að átti unga lítinn þar
Ekki leist á blikuna að hlusta? á púturnar.
Hún vonda minkinn hræddist og veinaði um stund,
Og vakti með því kúna sem þar tók sinn fegurðarblund.

Hænurnar æptu gogg, gogg, gó.
Og vöktu með því kisu,
Kisa æpti mjá, mjá mjá,
Og vakti með því gæsina,
Gæsin gargaði bra, bra, bra,
Og vakti með því kúna,
Kýrin baulaði mö, mö, mö,
Haninn galaði gaggala gó,
Bóndi vinur vakna þú 
og ver þitt hænsnabú

Og beljugreyið hræddist við að heyra óhljóðin
Í hænunum og reyndi að vekja bola, manninn sinn
En bolinn sagði argur og hann hristi hornin sín
Hvaða bölvuð læti eru þetta kerling mín??

Hænurnar æptu gogg, gogg, gó.
Og vöktu með því kisu,
Kisa æpti mjá, mjá mjá,
Og vakti með því gæsina,
Gæsin gargaði bra, bra, bra,
Og vakti með því kúna,
Kýrin baulaði mö, mö, mö,
Og vakti með því bola,
Boli rumdi muuuhhh 
Haninn galaði gaggala gó,
Bóndi vinur vakna þú og ver þitt hænsnabú

Og bolinn varð mjög úrillur og bölvaði mjög hátt:
Bannsett læti eru þetta hér um miðja nátt.
Það verður strax að stöðva þetta villta hænugeim.
Nú vek ég hundinn svo ég fái svefnfrið fyrir þeim.

Hænurnar æptu gogg, gogg, gó.
Og vöktu með því kisu,
Kisa æpti mjá, mjá mjá,
Og vakti með því gæsina,
Gæsin gargaði bra, bra, bra,
Og vakti með því kúna,
Kýrin baulaði mö, mö, mö,
Og vakti með því bola,
Boli rumdi muuuhhh 
Og vakti með því hundinn.
Hundurinn gelti voff, voff, voff, 
Haninn galaði gaggala gó,
Bóndi vinur vakna þú og ver þitt hænsnabú

En nú vaknaði loksins bóndinn því að hundurinn gelti hátt
Og hljóp beint út með byssuna og náði minknum brátt.
Svo skaut hann minkinn ljóta og hljóp svo heim með hann
Og húsfreyjuna vakti og sagði: Sjáðu hvað ég fann!?

Hænurnar æptu gogg, gogg, gó.
Og vöktu með því kisu,
Kisa æpti mjá, mjá mjá,
Og vakti með því gæsina,
Gæsin gargaði bra, bra, bra,
Og vakti með því kúna,
Kýrin baulaði mö, mö, mö,
Og vakti með því bola,
Boli rumdi muuuhhh 
Og vakti með því hundinn.
Hundurinn gelti voff, voff, voff, 
Og vakti með því bóndann.
Haninn galaði gaggala gó,
bóndinn sagði ha, ha, hæ
og bóndakonan hæ, hæ, hæ,
nú minkapels ég fæ.

Minkur um borð í skipi í Vestmannaeyjahöfn

Bill Hicks

Bill Hicks er einn af mínum uppáhalds uppistöndurum og heimspekingum. Ég hef sett inn hér nokkur "quotes" frá þessum fyrrum snillingi.  

 

-> Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.

 

-> Go back to bed, America, your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed America, your goverment is in control. Here, here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up, go back to bed America, here is American Gladiators, here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on the living in the land of freedom. Here you go America - you are free to do what well tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!

 

-> I was in Fyffe, Alabama last year. After the show, I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm eating, I'm alone and I'm reading a book, right? Waiter walks over to me:

"Hey, what you readin' for?"

Is that like the weirdest fucking question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading … for.

"Well, God damn it, you stumped me. Why do I read? Hmm … I guess I read for a lot of reasons, and the main one is … so I don't end up being a fucking waffle waiter."

But then, this trucker in the next booth gets up, stands over me and goes:

"Well, looks like we got ourselves a reader."

What the fuck's going on here? It's not like I walked into a Klan rally in a Boy George outfit, God damn it. It's a book!

 

-> See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you've got the money!"
-- Bill Hicks, on being censored from "The Late Show with David Letterman

 

-> Because you know if you play New Kids on the Block albums backwards they sound better. "Oh come on, Bill, they're the New Kids, don't pick on them, they're so good and they're so clean cut and they're such a good image for the children." Fuck that! When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children? I want my children to listen to people who fucking ROCKED! I don't care if they died in puddles of their own vomit! I want someone who plays from his fucking HEART!

 

-> They say rock n' roll is the devil's music. Well, let's say that it is; I've got news for you. Let's say that rock n' roll is the devil's music and we know it for a fact to be the absolutely, unequivocally true.
Boy, at least he fucking jams! Ha ha ha ha! Okay? Did you hear that correctly? If it's a choice between eternal hell and good tunes and eternal heaven and new kids on the fucking block … I'm gonna be surfing on the lake of fire, rocking out … high five at Satan every time I pass the motherfucking shore.

 

-> I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth.

 

-> Tell you, the worst kind of non-smokers' the kind where you're smoking and they just walk up to you … [starts coughing in the naggy-I-want-you-to-stop kinda' cough] I always say, "Shit, you're lucky you don't smoke. That's some cough you got there, dude. I'm smoking, you're coughing. Wow." That's kind of cruel, man, going up to a smoker and coughing. Shit! Do you go up to crippled people dancing too, you fucks? "Hey, Mr. Wheelchair. What's your problem? Come on ironside, race ya!"

 

-> Obnoxious , self-righteous, whining little fucks. My biggest fear is that if I quit smoking, I'll become on of you...Don't take that wrong. I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don't know, and I feel it's my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?.......Non-smokers die every day...Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you've chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurtling back to reality....You're dead too.

 

-> See I think drugs have done some good things for us. If you don't think drugs have done good things for us then do me a favor. Go home tonight and take all of your records,tapes and all your CD's and burn them. Because, you know all those musicians who made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreal fucking high on drugs, man.

 

-> Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is mearly energy condensed through a slow vibration, we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, life is only a dream and we are the imaginations of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.

 

-> "This is your brain." I've seen a lot of weird shit on drugs. I have never ever ever ever EVER looked at a fucking egg and thought it was a brain.
That's an act, that's a frying pan, that's a stove, you're an alcoholic! Dude, I'm tripping right now, and I still see that that's a fucking egg, alright? I see the UFO's around it, but that's a goddamn egg in the middle. There's a hobbit eating it, but goddammit that hobbit's eating a fucking egg! He's on a unicorn. But, no, th-th-th-that's a fucking egg. How dare you have a wino tell me not to do drugs!

 

-> I have never seen two people on pot get in a fight because it is fucking IMPOSSIBLE. "Hey, buddy!" "Hey, what?" "Ummmmmmm...." End of argument.

 

-> My final point about alchohol, about drugs, about Pornography...What business is it of your's what I do, read, buy, see or take into my body as long as I don't harm another human being whilst on this planet? And for those of you having a little moral dilemna on how to answer this, I'll answer for you. NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS Take that to the bank, cash it and take it on a vacation outta my fucking life. And stop bringing shotguns to UFO sightings, they might be here to pick me up and take me with 'em.

 

-> I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)

 

-> No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it's not a very popular idea, you don't hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth: I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day.

 

-> Christianity has a built-in defense system: anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by the very fact that it makes you question a belief. It's a very interesting defense mechanism and the only way to get by it -- and believe me, I was raised Southern Baptist -- is to take massive amounts of mushrooms, sit in a field, and just go, "Show me."

 

-> The war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney; it's so obviously phoney, okay? It's a war against our civil rights, that's all it is. They're using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get to suspend our rights one by one.

 

-> I'm so sick of arming the world, then sending troops over to destroy the fucking arms, you know what I mean? We keep arming these little countries, then we go and blow the shit out of them. We're like the bullies of the world, y'know. We're like Jack Palance in the movie Shane, throwing the pistol at the sheepherder's feet.

"Pick it up."

"I don't wanna pick it up, Mister, you'll shoot me."

"Pick up the gun."

"Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister."

"Pick up the gun."

(He picks it up. Three shots ring out.)

"You all saw him - he had a gun."

 

-> Fundamentalist Christianity. Fascinating. These people actually believe the world is 12 thousand years old. Swear to God! Based on what? I asked them. "Well, we looked at all the people in the Bible, and we added them up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages – 12 thousand years." Well, how fucking scientific! Okay. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble there. That's good.

You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? "That's right." Okay, I got one word to ask you. A one word question. Ready? "Uh-uh." Dinosaurs.

You know, the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, and they existed in that time … you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point. "And lo, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus … with a splinter in his paw. And O, the disciples did run a-shrieking: 'What a big fucking lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid, and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw, and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O, so many years, inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fucking families and their fat dollar bills. And O, Scotland did praise the Lord: 'Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord.'"

"God put [dinosaur fossils] here to test our faith!"... I think God put you here to test my faith, dude.

Seriously, does it bother anyone else that God might be fuckin' with our heads?! [Mimes digging] "Ho ho ho! We'll see who believes in me now!"

 

-> The world is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey – don't worry, don't be afraid ever, because this is just a ride." And we … kill those people. "Shut him up. We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because – it's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace

 

Gerðu eitt fyrir mig

Kæri lesandi, farðu á þennan link og horfðu á þessu bíómynd/heimildarmynd.

 

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/

 

Takk fyrir að taka mark á mér.  Njóttu vel.

Aumingja Benicio Del Toro

Verður fyrir barðinu á geðshræringunni sem fylgir öryggi hvíta mannsins og það bara útaf líkamshárum. Hvað gerist ef næstu hriðjuverkamenn verða hreinir og vel dressaðir gentlemenn í vel pressuðum jakkafötum með rakspíra og yfirgreiddan skalla...? þá kæmust fáir í gegn í flugvöllum án vandræða. En ég hlakka til að sjá bíómyndina um ævi Ernesto Che Guevara. :)

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